A transmale couple made up of the incubator, Dylan, and his incredible partner Chris. We're ready to start our family, regardless of what the world puts in our place.

 

Names

So, we had an “oops” about a month ago which for a moment there looked like it would result in a baby. No luck (both unfortunately and fortunately, I’ll explain another time) but for the 4 or so days we were thoroughly convinced we were pregnant, we came up with names for our first child. We still plan on using one of these names for our first.

If we have a boy, he will be named Paxton Elijah.

If we have a girl, her name will either be Quinnley AnneCoralee Iris, or Ryleigh Astrid.

Our last name is Christiano (kris-tee-AHH-no) which is a total bitch to try and pair names with. The including of “Leigh/Lee” in the girl’s names is to show homage to my mother and the family tradition of naming your first daughter after someone else in the family. My birth middle name was my great-grandmother’s name. Leigh is my mom’s middle name. It works.

In any case I would LOOOOOOOOOVE to hear feedback about our name choices!! 

Finding a sperm donor is seriously the hardest thing. I can not find the life of my find a black donor who fits our needs who isn’t anonymous. Struggling so hard right now. 

I’m going to ask Chris to talk to his cousin about the possibility of donating to us. We know two, maybe three people that we could ask here, but they all have mental health or behavioral issues that concern us. We can’t decide if this is a nature-over-nurture thing or not. Honestly though, I think I’m going to ask Chris to bite the bullet and ask his friend Carl. He says Carl is faaaaaaaaaaaaaar too crazy to trust his genetics, but I don’t really feel like we have a lot of options. I guess I’ll wait ‘til Chris talks to Chase first and we find out what he says. I’m not super confident, both because idk how Chase will feel about it and because and because he’s stationed in Alaska right now… sooooo that makes donation and conception a little rough. 

This is so fucking stupidly hard ugh

Anonymous asked
Whatever you do do NOT use an anonymous sperm donor. It fucks up the kids so much, you can't make that kind of a decision for someone, never let them know or meet half of their biological family.

Wow. Surprised that I’m getting such a response about this. We are definitely keeping this in mind and would love to hear all opinions on the matter!!

Anonymous asked
DO NOT GET AN ANONYMOUS DONOR PLEASE!!!! I am the child of an anonymous sperm donor and I'm very involved in our small community, we are very damaged by the anonymity and it has actually been outlawed in most developed countries. However in the US it continues to be practiced and the children are screwed over. please do more research on this.

Absolutely… If you’d like to come off anon and talk, please feel free. I appreciate your input. What we’d prefer to do is find an open ID donor who is alright with contact once the child(ren) is old enough. I am the product of a single parent and a disappearing dad, I understand to an extent the feeling of abandonment and unimportance experienced by an absent parent. I was kind of hoping that being raised in a family with two loving, supporting parents would kind of help ease the pain of thinking that they had a parent who for whatever reason didn’t want them…

Rest assured, we are putting a lot of thought into this. 

Anonymous asked
Good Luck having a baby. :)

Thank you!!!

An Introduction

Hello there. I don’t know where you found our blog, but thanks for reading. :)

A brief intro seems appropriate. 

My name is Dylan, I’m one half of what is clearly the best relationship on the planet (my condolences to everyone else). My partner Chris and I live in a major city in a crappy southern state. We are both 22 years old, and we’re coming up on a year together. A lot of folks think this is too soon to make this decision, but we are confident not only in our relationship but in our ability as parents. Many think we’re also too young, but we are financially stable, have strong emotional support systems, and more capable than given credit for. On top of that, Dylan has a health issue which likely will not allow him to successfully carry a baby to term after he’s 25-ish, so we’re getting a jump start on our family now while we have this opportunity. 

We are both transgender, which makes our relationship and conception story just a little bit unique. Most people don’t understand our identities and our relationship, we expect that most won’t understand our pregnancy or family plans either, and we’re okay with that. Being trans and attempting to conceive is difficult and complicated, though. For one thing, Dylan has had to stop his Testosterone therapy in order to regain his fertility, which will likely cause an increase in his dysphoria and depression. But he’s being carefully monitored by his therapist as well as Chris. 

Our plan is to eventually have 4 children. We are searching for the perfect sperm donor right now, considering both known and anonymous donors. We are amazed by the lack of black sperm donors in the US!! We are going to inseminate at home, and Dylan plans to carry and vaginally deliver any and all children conceived, as close to naturally as possible. 

Dylan does have a history of chemical pregnancies and very early term miscarriages, so we are doing everything to maximize his fertility and keep the babymaking organs as healthy as possible. He has quit smoking and drastically cut down on his caffeine intake. As of today, he started a prenatal vitamin regimen, and though we don’t drink to excess he plans on limiting himself to a glass or two of wine a week, no more. He is also making an effort to change his diet to more fertility-friendly foods and to help him lose some weight (which Chris doesn’t feel needs to be done… such a sweetheart.) In the same, he plans on alternating between yoga and walking to help him get healthier for Baby.

In an effort to track his cycle, Dylan has been reading up on Temping and how to interpret cervical mucus and recently invested in a Basal thermometer, though he is not excited to start waking up early to check his temp. But, anything that will help!

Let’s see how long this takes us!

((I apologize this is written in the weirdest way, POV-wise, I’ll figure something better out))